


Auxiliary

by shadows_and_afterimages



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hannictober Challenge, M/M, Oct 2nd: Moonlight, crack mixed with some seriousness, obligatory text fic, online writers AU, this was supposed to be a drabble but the plot got out of hand I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 15:59:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12257574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadows_and_afterimages/pseuds/shadows_and_afterimages
Summary: Online writers AU. Will was in the thriller genre with a history of not-so-thrilling stories, Hannibal was that one pretentious asshole who wrote high-brow, flowery prose that was (in Will’s opinion) just barely disguised homoerotica. A genre-war event threw them together, and no one’s sure what happened, except for the fact that Beverly was very, very pleased with the result.Inspiration: a tumblr post that suggested a genre-war where two authors write alternate chapters and try to pull the story to their own chosen genre. Can't find the post now, but I'm forever thankful that it's given me this silly idea.





	Auxiliary

**Author's Note:**

> Let's pretend it's still Oct 2nd somewhere...  
> Oh, who am I kidding. Here, have the first half of my out-of-control drabble that doesn't even mention a lick of moonlight even though that's the prompt. Go figure.  
> (It's supposed to be in the planned second half, keyword *planned*.)

**Beaver-lily**

 

> Graham! Will! William!
> 
> _Don’t call me that._
> 
> Cranky.
> 
> _It’s in the name. What is it?_
> 
> Have you seen the new announcement yet?
> 
> _Oh Lord no._
> 
> Was it a ‘no, I haven’t seen it’ or ‘oh no, I have such an awesome, fantastikatz friend and yet I’m failing her oh so spectacularly’?
> 
> _Neither. And you know what, you should have been the one trying to make writing their professional career._
> 
> I know, I’m awesome. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you off the hook. So. New event?
> 
> _Not interested._
> 
> Doesn’t mean much to Jack. He’s gonna throw a fit if you miss yet another. He thinks you’re slacking.
> 
> _Stuck is more like it. Writer’s block is a real thing, Katz. I can’t repeat the same shit over and over, I can’t think of a damn new idea worth writing, and I don’t even know why people_ ** _cared_** _._ _I mean, of course I’m glad at least my work is getting attention, it's just... not exactly the kind of attention I was aiming for_. _I.e I can't even make sure to repeat whatever it is that I apparently did right._
> 
> You do have a quite… interesting fanbase.
> 
> _That’s one way of putting it._
> 
> Participating in popular events is one surefire to reach new audience, though.
> 
> _You know as well as I do ninety percents of them will only read new work if, and only if, there’s a familiar author’s name stamped on it._
> 
> But that's why it's the perfect opportunity! It's a _colab_ , Will, in case it's slipped the supreme reign of your antisocial lizard brain. You could end up with someone crazily famous, and if you can hold your own against them, you will be too.
> 
> _No, Beverly, my ‘supremely antisocial lizard brain’ hasn't forgotten, and that's exactly why there's not a chance in hell I'll participate. That would require me to be_ **_social._ **
> 
> _(Last message sent at 8:45.)_

 

**Beaver-lily**

 

> GET IN THE SADDLE, LOSER, YOU ARE PARTICIPATING.
> 
> No, wait, editing mistake. You're not a loser, no writer of mine is. You're definitely going to win.
> 
> _What the_ **_fuck_ ** _, Katz? It's 3am._
> 
> And you're apparently still awake. Well, message delivered. You'll get your match in your registered email three days from now!
> 
> _What?_
> 
> Too late for conversation? Or too early?
> 
> _Both, but I suspect it's also the general effect of your presence. What the hell are you talking about, though? I didn't sign up for anything._
> 
> **I** did. Someone's gotta do the real work around here.
> 
> _No fucking way._
> 
> Yes way, actually. You underestimated the powers you've put in my hands when you asked me to be your editor.
> 
> _I didn't_ **_ask_ ** _, you volunteered then forced your opinions down my throat! We'll talk tomorrow. When I'm actually awake. Don't think I'm done with you yet._
> 
> Too late. You're participating.
> 
> _Talk to my dogs._
> 
> I did, earlier today. You need to clean out all the oil stains on the floor. I could have harvested enough dog hair to stuff a pillow.
> 
> _You went to my house._
> 
> You weren't there. I meant to ask, but Winston insisted I give him all my attention.
> 
> _I know damn well I wasn't there! Why_ **_you_ ** _were there when I was not is the real question._
> 
> I am in possession of more than your email password and login information, Graham.
> 
> _Fuck off._
> 
> _(Last message sent at 3:24.)_

 

**Beaver-lily**

 

> Who was it?
> 
> _……._
> 
> Must be someone real exciting.
> 
> _Silence, Katz. I'm three deep breaths away from making you my next villain._
> 
> _To be killed in in the most grisly, bloody, cruel ways._
> 
> _After getting excessively tortured._
> 
> Excellent! Am I getting a raise? Since, you know, I'm moonlighting as your muse and all.
> 
> _Nevermind, you're going to be the first victim. The obligatory character that's going to be dead before the story even begins._
> 
> Fine, still works if it gets you to write again. Anything with any version of me in it is sure to be a darn sight better than most of your recent achievements. Now, back to the topic. Spill the beans, or I'll just hack into your email again. It's gonna be a bother for both of us if the security measures lock you out, as we're both aware.
> 
> _[Screen cap]_
> 
> !!!!!!
> 
> You minx!!! How did you manage that?
> 
> No, wait. How did **I** manage that? **Hors d'oeuvre**?? Do you have **any** idea how popular that guy’s writing is?
> 
> _Anyone using a fancy French name that could be translated to the most common of objects is not someone to be revered._
> 
> … Did you look him up?
> 
> _I know French, Katz. Cajun, but still._
> 
> You looked him up.
> 
> _Only out of morbid curiosity._
> 
> And?
> 
> _And what? The only reason I'm paying any attention at all is because I'm desperately hoping there's still a peaceful way to walk out of this. If all concerned parties agree. Damage control, you know, for things_ **_you_ ** _messed up and were supposed to fix._
> 
> I didn't mess up, I paired you off with the one guy that has the most chance of revolutionizing your writing career!
> 
> _I somehow doubt that._
> 
> Such faith. Fine, what do you think of hors d'oeuvre's writing?
> 
> _Pretentious, barely-disguised pornography._
> 
> **Food** porn, Will. Don't you dare disrespect art that way!
> 
> _I wasn't aware I left out any word. It was nothing but high-brow, flowery homoerotica. Just look at his fanbase._
> 
> Pot, meet kettle.
> 
> _I doubt my stories could ever be considered high brow, or erotic._
> 
> But it **is** homo.
> 
> _Just a side effect of skewed male/female percentage. You and I both know I suck at writing women, certain females obsessed with her own badassery notwithstanding, and I doubt many women would find that portrayal flattering. I pledge prolonged exposure to bad influences._
> 
> Shut up, Graham, you’re showcasing exactly how little you know about women. Everybody loves my kind of girls. And anyway, I was actually referring to your fanbase. Which leads us back to my original point, as your fanbase makeup is exactly why you're going to be able to farm considerable fame off of a colab with hors d'oeuvre.
> 
> _You're mad if you think a genre-war with alternating chapters between me and him would attract any kind of audience. Our styles are like fire and water. Dump us together,  and you get nothing but a soggy mound of useless wet tinder._
> 
> Oh, trust me, with the right setup, you guys are going to make _steam_. More than enough to power an industrial revolution-sized expansion in your fandom size, if I have any say about it.
> 
> _Sometimes I'm not sure if that's a good thing._
> 
> _(Last message sent at 00:52.)_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely happy with this. I may end up doing a lot of editing before the next chapter's up. I'm not even good with dialogue, why did I think this was a good idea.


End file.
